Your Guide to Planning a Sensory-Friendly Wedding

From music-filled ceremonies to chatter-filled wedding breakfasts and brightly lit dance floors, weddings are packed with sensory experiences. For the neurodivergent among us, this can sometimes result in sensory overload.

When it comes to wedding planning, guest experience is one of the most important considerations for nearly-weds. To ensure your wedding is a positive experience for all guests, we think you should consider making your wedding sensory-friendly.

It’s estimated that 15% of the UK population is neurodivergent with some of the most common conditions reported including autistic spectrum disorder and ADHD. If you or some of your guests are among this group, you may be starting to think about how you can make your day as inclusive as possible and create an experience that feels safe and enjoyable for all.

To help you do this, we’ve chatted to industry professionals and experts who have given us the lowdown on how to make guests with additional needs get the best out of your special day plus tips on how neurodivergent nearly-weds can adapt wedding traditions and the wedding planning process.

• Isabel Smith, Founder of Wed-Start
• Laura Watkins, Chief Executive at The Donaldson Trust, the national body for neurodiversity in Scotland
• Jodie Barden, Wedding Planner and Founder of Ella Bella Weddings and Events

Laura Watkins explains: “Neurodiversity is the range of differences in individual brain function and behavioural traits, regarded as part of normal variation in the human population. We are all neurodiverse. The terms neurotypical and neurodivergent are used to explain typical and less typical variances.”

“You think and process things differently and in my personal opinion you’re frickin awesome!”, adds Jodie Barden,

Isabel Smith explains: “Many (but not all) neurodiverse people find ongoing exposure to certain sensory input, such as loud music, powerful scents, bright/flashing lights or highly textured or constrained clothing, completely overwhelming in a way that creates physical discomfort.

This can result in shutdown (total withdrawal from all human interaction) or meltdown (a ‘fit’ of screaming or other behaviours considered to be anti-social) as they try to cope with, or remove themselves, from the painful stimulus. A sensory-friendly wedding will take this into account and make plans accordingly.”

“With an estimated 1 in 7 of the population diagnosed as neurodivergent, there is a high probability that at a large-scale event like a wedding there will be guests who are neurodivergent,” says Laura, “Therefore, it is important to recognise this and create an event environment where different perspectives are considered to ensure everyone can fully engage.

With more awareness around neurodivergence than ever before, it makes sense to consider it when planning large events just as you might consider dietary requirements or physical disabilities".

Isabel agrees: “Simply put, a sensory-friendly wedding is more inclusive. Whether it’s you yourselves who would benefit from thinking the sensory elements through, or some of your guests, surely you want to make sure that everyone has a great time in the same way that you might consider accessibility for your great aunt in a wheelchair or your best friend who’s allergic to mushrooms?”

It’s firstly important to note that neurodiversity affects people in different ways and what some neuro-sensitive people may find anxiety-inducing, others will not.

With this is mind, it’s key to consider all aspects of a wedding event and identify any elements that you or your partner may find challenging.

Don’t be afraid to do away with traditions that don’t work for you and tweak the traditional wedding day set-up to suit your needs – it’s your day and should be your way.

“The best way to approach your wedding planning will vary depending on what you find challenging day to day,” says Isabel. “For those with dyslexia, having a trusted friend read through supplier contracts will help to make sure that any tricky clauses aren’t overlooked.

A thorough and carefully automated budgeting spreadsheet (like the ones we provide at Wed-Start) can help those who struggle with mathematical calculations (dyscalculia).

Colour-coordinated calendars and reminders work well for those who struggle to focus, such as those with ADHD. Digital planning guides, like ours, lay out the planning roadmap - for those with autism who struggle to visualise a new journey, this can be invaluable.

Online meetings using the likes of Zoom are so much the norm now – a relief to many who suffer from anxiety in response to travelling to new places or meeting new people.”

During the Covid-19 pandemic many wedding venues got creative and took advantage of video technology to give virtual tours to prospective nearly-weds.

Don’t be afraid to ask coordinators at the wedding venues that you’re interested in if they have a pre-made video tour or would be willing to give you one to save you the stress of travelling to multiple venues.

Once you have chosen a venue, make sure staff are happy for you to visit more than once ahead of the big day. Familiarising yourself with the journey and the space can help to relieve anxiety and help you to feel more comfortable on the big day.

Speaking of eliminating anxiety, if you’re looking at wedding planning checklists online and beginning to panic about the number of tasks ahead, it can be helpful to break it down into manageable chunks: “I have worked with a few couples who have ADHD and part of the process I find challenging for them is overwhelm. So, we only complete one task at a time together, so hiring a photographer for example, and making the process very simple. Not too much information or options at a time,” Says Jodie “Pick one thing to work on and then once complete and you feel you are ready, you can move onto the next.

Or you could hire a wedding planner that understands your situation and that you feel connected to. They can then adapt the planning process for you and take out that overwhelm, so you can get excited on the lead up to your special day.”

A quiet area free from loud noise and bright lights offers a sensory-friendly retreat for guests during the day. Ask your wedding venue about additional lounges and rooms that may be suitable for a relaxation area.

Ensure seating is comfortable and think about including items such as weighted blankets for those who experience anxiety-related conditions. Keep lights low and noise to a minimum and ensure all guests know that the area is reserved for relaxation only.

“This can also be a place where they can do their favourite things that calm them, whether that’s drawing or watching an iPad,” says Jodie.

Wedding music, disco lights and chatting guests can all add up to create sensory overload for neurodivergent guests and so it’s a good idea to be mindful of this when planning your day.

“A silent disco rather than a traditional band allows people to simply take their headphones off if they’ve had enough and lower level and/or static lighting might also be preferable,” suggests Isabel. If you’re keen on the idea of a silent disco, check out our list of DJs offering silent discos.

You could also consider providing ear plugs to allow guests to reduce loud noise. Be sure to speak with your wedding band or DJ about noise levels and lighting ahead of the big day, they may be able to reduce speaker volume or avoid using effects, such as strobe lighting, to make your wedding entertainment more sensory-friendly.

We think an acoustic duo is the perfect option for those looking for more laidback, easy-going wedding entertainment.

“Softer lighting can help, along with the option of offering noise cancelling headphones too,” suggests Laura.

If you’re worried that elements of your day won’t be manageable for neurodivergent guests, make time to discuss it with them ahead of the day. Give them the choice to skip parts of the day or do whatever they need to to make the experience more comfortable.

For example, if you’re planning a firework display or sparkler exit to cap off your celebrations, let them know ahead of schedule so they can dip out early or head to the relaxation area if they need to.

Remember, you can’t tell if someone is neurodivergent from just looking at them and not everyone who is neurodivergent has the same needs and sensitivities. Laura suggests adding a line to your wedding invitations giving guests the opportunity to share anything that might improve their experience.

She says: “we think nothing of asking guests to disclose their dietary requirements on an RSVP, so perhaps sensitively offer another option on the invitation giving guests the option to offer additional information that will enhance their enjoyment of the event. You may find that suggestions benefit all guests.

Brief your event planner and suppliers at the outset that your event is to be neuro-inclusive and that they understand what this means.”

Some photographers are fantastic at noticing when couples need a break and can whisk you away before you become overwhelmed. Wedding planners and co-ordinators can also ensure that you have somewhere to escape to, should you need it, and keep items such as noise cancelling headphones and sunglasses on hand.

Don’t worry about discussing your individual needs with your suppliers, with 1 in 7 people in the UK classed as neurodivergent, chances are they will have worked with couples or guests with sensory needs before.

From food and drinks to music and dancing, weddings involve a whole host of sensory experiences but not all of those elements are enjoyable or manageable for neurodivergent people, or even some neurotypical people.

To make things easier, we suggest adding flexibility to your day where possible. A choice of activities can make it easier for those who struggle with socialising. Games that involve ‘parallel play’, such as a ring toss, allow individuals to complete a task alongside one another without direct eye contact or the need to make small talk.

Food is another area where you can add flexibility by giving guests a menu with options to choose from or having a buffet so they can select exactly what they would like. If you’re dead set on a certain dish, ensure guests know what they will be eating ahead of the day and if it’s something a guest has an aversion to speak with your caterer about providing something else. If an alternative dish is not available, consider allowing them to bring their own food if they would like to.

For some autistic people and people with anxiety disorders making small talk with those they don’t know can be hugely challenging. If space and budget allow, consider offering them a plus one so that they can bring someone they feel comfortable with along.

Do include a section on your invitations giving guests the opportunity to make you aware of any sensory requirements.

Don’t share sensory requirements with other guests. If people want or need to discuss it with anyone else, they will.

Do make every guest aware of any relaxation or break areas. Making this information available to all will help you to avoid singling anyone out and ensure any neurodivergent guests that you’re not aware of know they have a place to escape to should they need to.

Don’t set a strict dress code. For some, certain fabrics and designs can be incredibly irritating and keeping the dress code flexible means all guests can wear something that allows them to feel totally comfortable.

Do send out an order of the day in advance to any guests that you know struggle with not having a set plan or schedule. This can help to eliminate anxiety and allow guests to prepare for the event in whatever way they need to.

Don’t exclude neurodivergent friends and family from the wedding party. If you’re worried about overwhelming a neuro-sensitive loved one, discuss with them which role they’d feel most comfortable doing and adapt it if necessary.

Do give neuro-sensitive guests the option to sit near the exit, this will make it easier for them to slip away if they need to without drawing attention to themselves.

Don’t refer to yourself or anyone else as “a little bit autistic”, it makes light of the condition and can help to spread misinformation by linking certain behavioural traits with all autistic individuals. There is no one-size-fits-all description, and every autistic person is different, just like every neurotypical person.

Do give guests the opportunity to visit the venue before the big day. For some, unknowns can be challenging and anxiety-inducing. A brief tour of the venue, highlighting where toilets and quiet areas are can be extremely helpful.

Do let guests know that it’s ok if they need to leave. Sometimes overwhelm can strike and make it impossible to stay in a certain situation, let neuro-sensitive guests know that you don’t mind if they need to head home early or avoid certain parts of the celebration. Just knowing it’s ok to leave can help to relieve any stress they may feel about attending.

Do some research. If you know some of your guests are neurodivergent take some time to research their condition and find out more about how it may affect them – it may give you some more ideas on how to make your event as inclusive as possible.

The Donaldson Trust

Society for Neurodiversity

ADHD UK